Finding My Footing Again

9:00 AM on Tuesday, February 10, 2009.  I was but a few days shy of my 30th birthday, and found myself

staring down a little white scale at the Monroe Aquatic Center.  The previous summer I had spent 10 weeks in India, working as an intern with my church's mission board, and desperately wanted to return on a paid basis.  The only problem was that I was nowhere near being able to pass the required physical exam.  So when I heard that Weight Watchers was running a promotion -- no registration fee for new members during the month of February -- I decided to bite the bullet.  I hoisted my pride like a giant white flag, took a deep breath, and stepped on the scale.  356.2 pounds.

Over the course of the next two and a half years, the lessons I learned and the relationships I developed as a part of this group of (predominantly) women helped me to forge a new way of life.  I began exercising; I discovered that I actually enjoyed vegetables; I gained the knowledge and the self-control to start making healthy choices.  And it paid off -- by fall of 2010, I had dropped 170 pounds.  If you counted the 30 pounds I lost in India before I started on Weight Watchers (which I did), that made it an even 200.  I rejoiced when the scale read 186, because I was a mere 16 pounds from my goal weight -- and I was never going to look back.

And then I moved back to Ohio.

I found a local chapter of Weight Watchers, and began attending meetings religiously.  The only problem was, the weight wasn't coming off.  I began what has turned into a three-year-long plateau.  During that time, I've watched the scale move in a pattern that can only be described as schizophrenic -- I'll lose 3 pounds in a week, only to gain 4 the next.  I'll take off 2, and gain 1.  Eventually frustration turned to futility, and I started watching the "down" numbers get smaller and the "up" numbers get bigger.  And so it's time for true confessions: as of the last time I stepped on the scale, I've put back on nearly 30 pounds from my lowest weight.  I'm ashamed and frustrated with myself, my clothes aren't fitting as well as they should (I'm 5'10", so weight doesn't show on me as much as it would if I were shorter)...

...and it stops now.

Over the course of my life, I've found that the best way to remedy the issues that beset me is to bring them out into the open.  Suppressing and/or whitewashing my problems does me no good -- I can't deal with them unless I first give up and admit they exist.  So, gentle reader, I invite you on this journey with me.  I plan on being totally transparent with both my victories and my struggles, in hopes that it will both help me to stay accountable and (hopefully) to help others who might be facing some of the same obstacles in their own journey.  Let's take this road together -- I'm holding on to the faith that it will take us somewhere amazing.

...or, as my grandfather used to call it, "Quickie."

I was excited to get the opportunity to spend an evening with some friends on Friday night.  As I shed my coat and put my purse in a place where her one-and-a-half-year-old son couldn't reach it, she gave me the choice of dinner: either homemade mac and cheese or "Impossible Greek Spinach Pie" -- basically, a quiche with a built-in crust.  (It is called "impossible," after all.)  As tempting as the mac and cheese might have been, I had just gotten off a three-day binge in Charleston SC.  I opted for the healthier-sounding choice.  I watched as she was putting the dish together, and quickly realized that it didn't just sound healthy -- it was healthy.  Extremely healthy.  But I also noticed that I really liked all the ingredients that she was throwing together.  After a quick walk around the neighborhood with her son while it baked, we sat down to dinner.  It was fabulous.  Her toddler even liked it -- he literally licked the tray of his high chair when he was finished.  I got a copy of the recipe before I headed home, and made my own version today.

Impossible Greek Spinach Pie

cooking spray
1 onion, sliced thinly
1 tsp minced garlic
7 oz fresh spinach (or 1 frozen package, thawed and drained)
1/2 c fat free cottage cheese
1 c skim milk
1/2 Heart Smart Bisquick
3/4 c Egg Beaters
1 tsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp pepper
1 oz reduced fat grated parmesan cheese
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1 oz fat free feta cheese, crumbled

Preheat oven to 350 F.  Coat a deep-dish pie plate with non-stick spray.  Cook and stir onions and garlic in sprayed skillet, until onions are translucent.  Add spinach.  Layer spinach mixture and cottage cheese in pie plate.  Beat together milk, eggs, Bisquick, lemon juice, and pepper until smooth (15 seconds in a blender or 1 minute with a hand mixer).  Pour over spinach/cottage cheese mixture.  Sprinkle with feta, parmesan, and nutmeg.  Bake 35-40 minutes, or until knife inserted comes out clean.  Serves 6.

The best part? Each serving is only 3 PointsPlus.  Feeling extra hungry?  Two pieces are only 5.

Personal note:  If you like mushrooms, they work wonderfully in this recipe.  I cooked them in with the onion/spinach mixture, and they add some nice bulk to it.

Healthy Cheesecake? Seriously?

I was entertaining last night, and could not for the life of me think of what to make for dessert.  I wanted something decadent, preferably with lots of chocolate.  But, at the same time, I didn't want to completely fall off the wagon.  What to do?  Of course: go to my newly-appointed kitchen bible (a.k.a. The New American Heart Association Cookbook).  Honestly, I have yet to find a recipe that I haven't liked in that book.  As I was flipping through the pages, I came across the pièce de résistance: Chocolate Swirl Cheesecake.  Of course, I had to try it out -- and it was fabulous.  And since all you have to do is type "cheesecake" to find the recipe when you search inside the book on Amazon, I have no qualms about sharing it here.  :)


Chocolate Swirl Cheesecake

Vegetable Oil Spray
1/3 cup crushed chocolate graham cracker crumbs (about 9 small rectangles)
12 oz. fat-free cream cheese, softened
4 oz. reduced-fat cream cheese, softened
3/4 cup splenda
3/4 cup egg substitute
8 oz. fat-free sour cream
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 cup fat-free caramel apple dip

Preheat oven to 325 F.  Spray a 9-inch springform/round cake pan with vegetable oil spray.  (If using a cake pan, line the bottom of pan with parchment paper and spray again.)  Sprinkle graham cracker crumbs on the bottom of the pan and set it aside.
In a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheeses and splenda on medium-high setting until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
Add egg substitute and beat on medium until combined.
Add sour cream and vanilla.  Beat on medium until smooth (about 30 seconds).  Remove 1 cup of batter and set it aside.
Stir cocoa powder into the remaining batter and beat on medium setting for about 30 seconds (or until combined).  Pour half of the chocolate batter into the pan (no need to spread it over the bottom of the pan).  Pour half of the white batter onto the chocolate batter.  Spoon half of the caramel dip onto the white batter.  Pour remaining chocolate batter into the pan.  Drop spoonfuls of the remaining white batter onto the chocolate batter.  Spoon the remaining caramel dip on top.  Gently shake the pan back and forth to distribute the batter evenly.  With a sharp knife, lightly swirl the batter to create a marbled effect.  (Don't overswirl, or you'll have no pattern.)
Bake for 55 minutes, or until the center is just set.  Put the pan on a cooling rack and let it cool for 1 hour.  Then refrigerate for at least 3 hours.
Run a knife along the inside of the pan.  Release the side of the springform or invert cake pan onto a plate.
Serves: 12.


Notes:

• The original recipe called for sugar -- I used splenda, and it came out just fine.
• If you're in an area that sells Walden Farms caramel dip, use it.  I did, and it was just as good as the regular caramel apple dip.  Best part is, no calories!
• The best part: for those of you on Weight Watchers, 1/12 of this cheesecake is... wait for it... 3 PointsPlus.  If you use Walden Farms caramel, it goes down to 2.

What Are Your Big Rocks?

I must admit, I typed in "blogspot.com" with a bit of trepidation just now.  I knew that it had been a while since I posted last, and wasn't too sure I wanted to see the date of my last entry.  Sure enough, it was eleven days ago -- so much for my great plan of posting three times a week.  Granted, the past week and a half have been somewhat crazy for me, but if I'm honest with myself, there has been a lot of wasted time within that stretch, as well.  The draw of the flatscreen TV that I got as a Christmas present has been far too strong.  It has become far too easy for me to pop in a DVD that I've already seen twenty times instead of finishing tasks that need to be done.  My priorities are out of whack, and I can feel it.

It reminds me of a story a friend from college told me once.  (And if you've spent any time around me in the past couple of years, you've probably already heard this story.  But it's worth repeating.)  He had a youth director that got out a big glass jar and put in enough large rocks to fill it up to the brim.  He asked the kids, "Can anything else fit in there?"  The kids answered, "no."  He got out some pebbles and started fitting them in the spaces until, again, they reached the top.  Again, he asked the kids, "Can anything else fit now?"  Again, the kids said, "no."  He then took out sand, poured it in the jar, and asked, "How about now?  Can anything else fit?"  The kids were starting to get the picture now, and some hemmed and hawed, while others stayed silent.  He responded, "Well, let's see."  He brought out a pitcher of water and poured it into the jar until it was level to the brim.  He then looked at the students and asked, "What was the point of what I just did?"  The kids responded, "There's always room for something else."  He smiled and said, "No.  The point of this is that if I hadn't put the big rocks in at the beginning, they never would have fit."

So, like I asked in the title of this entry, what are your big rocks?  What are those things that should be of the most importance to you?  Is it spending quality time with family?  Finishing major tasks?  Keeping good on your promises?  Maintaining your health?  Only you can provide that answer, because only you know what is truly important to you.  My challenge to you (as well as to myself) is to spend some time figuring out what those big rocks are, and situating the other "little rocks" in your life around them.  I know one of my "big rocks" is inspiring others to take control and improve the quality of their lives, and this blog (I think) is a great way to do that.  So, then, I need to make sure that I make a point of taking the time to keep up with my updates, and letting the big box in my living room stay dark for a while.  Just like everything else that's important in life, it doesn't come easy.  But I know from personal experience that if I let my big rocks fall into place, I feel much happier and fulfilled.  (In other words, I don't feel like I've wasted my day.)  Plus, the little rocks can still fit between the cracks.

Long Name, But Good Cookie

Yesterday, I went to the best supermarket in the known universe: Jungle Jim's.  Seriously, they have everything that anyone could ever imagine in there.  They have guided tours, because the place is so unbelievably huge.  Anyway, lest I get myself too far off topic, I'll continue with my story.  Every time I go there, I make a beeline for the reduced price section, because they invariably have amazing deals.  And I wasn't disappointed.  Along with the 79-cent hummus, the 25-cent-per-pound bananas, and the $1.29-a-pound grapes, I found dates on sale.  I am an absolute sucker for dates, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity.  It wasn't until later on that evening, though, that the realization two-by-foured me in the face that they were dried dates.  For those of you on Weight Watchers, you know as well as I do that dried fruit (unlike its hydrated counterpart) racks up the points really quickly.  I had a problem!  I had to figure out something to do with this ungodly amount of dates that I had just purchased.  So, I got creative.  I knew that I could somehow work them into baked goods, but the question remained, what kind of baked goods?  I had friends coming over for Saturday dinner, so I decided to make dessert.  And, trying to be as healthy as possible, I decided on something with whole grain -- so oatmeal cookies it was.  I rummaged through my cabinets to figure out what else I could add to the cookies, and found pecans and cinnamon chips.  I added those to the conglomeration, and if I do say so myself, they came out extremely well.  They say the proof of the pudding is in the tasting, and my friends inevitably agreed, because they scarfed them down all evening.  Here's the recipe I came up with -- I ran the recipe through the Weight Watchers online recipe builder, and they come out to 2 PointsPlus a piece.  I especially like how the cinnamon and the dates play off of one another.


Date Pecan Cinnamon Oatmeal Cookies (If you can come up with a better name for this, I'm all ears!)

1 cup unsweetened applesauce
1/2 cup Splenda
1/2 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
1 egg (or 1/4 cup Egg Beaters)
3/4 tsp vanilla extract
3/4 cup whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups old fashioned oats
1 1/2 cups dried dates, diced
1/2 cup pecans, chopped
1/2 cup cinnamon chips

Preheat oven to 375 F.  In a large bowl combine the applesauce and sugars.  Add the eggs and vanilla; beat well.  Add the flour, salt, and soda; beat well.  Stir in the oats, dates, pecans, and cinnamon chips.  Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets.  Bake for 10-12 minutes, or until golden brown.  Makes approximately 50 cookies.

Notes:

• If you have a silicone baking mat, it works perfectly for this.  I swear by mine.
• I used a small cookie scoop to get a consistent size -- they end up being about walnut-sized balls in order to get the right number.
• They don't really spread in the oven, so if you'd like them to be more of the "traditional" cookie shape, mash them down first.

I Am Worth It.

Once again, it's time for "True Confessions."  I am a slob.  I have this awful tendency to let stuff lie where it falls -- to the extreme consternation of my mother.  She's threatened to record herself saying, "Pick it up, Jodi!" so that she doesn't have to keep repeating herself when I'm around.  It's not that I don't care; it's that I'm trying to do too many things at once, and the "tyranny of the urgent" always seems to kick in.  I don't take the five extra minutes (or, sometimes, seconds) necessary to finish the task.  And it builds and builds, until it drives me crazy.

I amazed myself, though.  Last semester, I had a roommate who liked to keep a clean house -- and I was startled at how easily I was able to maintain pretty near pristine surroundings.  What was the difference?  There was somebody else there to hold me accountable.  Whether Erika was there at the time or not, I knew that she would eventually be coming home, and I'd be embarrassed to show her a mess.  In fact, there were times when I got irked at her for leaving a mess.  She's doing her studies from home this semester, though, and I'm back to living solo.  And, from day one, the mess has started to build once more.  It's not overwhelming -- I've matured enough to keep it from getting too bad -- but still, I'm not happy with myself for letting it happen.  So, what did I do?  I decided to make plans to cook dinner for my friends this upcoming weekend.  If I have people who will see my house, I have to make it presentable. 

I went out to dinner with one of my best friends this past weekend, and was bemoaning the difference in house cleanliness since my roommate left.  And in his own inimitable way, he was able to cut through all my layers of pretense.  He looked at me, sighed, and said, "Jodi, when are you going to realize that you are worth having a nice place to live?"  I don't know if he realized the impact of what he said at that point, but it was like somebody turned on a light switch.  (I love it when God puts friends into our lives who can do that.)  It made me think -- how often do I short-change myself because I don't feel like I'm worth the effort?  I'd be happy to drive five hundred miles for a friend in need, but I'm not willing to take twenty minutes to take care of myself.  And my life ends up suffering because of it; I miss out on the opportunities to add meaning to my life because I don't think that I personally am worth the time or effort. 

Now, I'm not saying that external motivation is a bad thing.  Having friends and family to keep us accountable is a powerful asset.  But it pales in comparison to internal motivation: the drive to stay accountable to ourselves.  It's what keeps us going even when there's nobody looking over our shoulder.  You may have heard another word to describe this: integrity.  You know that I'm a word nut, so I had to look it up to see what the dictionary had to say about it.  It gave me an interesting perspective.  Here's what I found: it said that integrity is "an undivided or unbroken completeness or totality with nothing wanting."  So, if you hook up with my train of thought, you'll see where I'm going here.  Unless we allow ourselves to operate from the understanding that we are worth the effort to take care of ourselves, we are intrinsically incomplete.  Mull over that for a minute; it's a lot to wrap your head around.  (I know it was for me.)  My friend was right -- I have to realize that I primarily am worth the work that I put into my life.  And while I must admit that the house isn't spotless yet, it's a heck of a lot better than it was.  :)

Two-Pronged Attack

So far in my corner of cyberspace, I've been mainly focusing on food and motivation.  But while I was ticking off my second mile on the elliptical machine yesterday at the gym, I came to the startling realization that I hadn't said much of anything about exercise yet.  And since I know that it's everybody's favorite topic, anyway... I think I need to rectify that issue.

It was almost two years ago.  I had just joined Weight Watchers the previous week, and had taken their advice about food intake to heart.  And it worked -- I lost 7.2 pounds my first week.  But as I read through the program materials for the second week, I realized that just watching what I ate wasn't going to be enough.  I would have to start working my butt off.  Literally.  So I bit the bullet and joined the local Aquatics/Fitness Center.  I stepped onto the treadmill for the first time, set the speed at 3.0, and started walking.  (I know that doesn't sound like much, but when you weigh 350 pounds, it's an effort.  Believe me.)  About twelve minutes into it, the most wonderful thing happened -- I got my first endorphin buzz.  I finally understood why people put themselves through what I originally thought would be torture.  I felt like I could conquer the world!  To heck with exercising because it was what I was "supposed" to be doing.  What kept me coming back was the way I felt doing it.

As any military strategist will tell you, a good two-pronged attack is worth its weight in gold.  It has more than double the effectiveness of a straightforward attack -- due in large part to the fact that the enemy has nowhere to run.  Mixing exercise and healthy eating habits has this same effect.  Sure, you can get your nutrition in check, but more often than not you'll only see limited results.  If you're really serious about getting in the shape you want to be in, you have to work for it.  By taking this two-pronged approach, you're not only regulating the calories that go into your system, but you're also enhancing the way your body burns those calories. 

Besides, there are many more benefits to a good exercise strategy than simply losing weight.  The Mayo Clinic lists seven benefits, of which weight loss is only one.  The full list is as follows:

1. Exercise improves your mood.
   (Like I was talking about before, the endorphin buzz is fantastic.  But more than that, regular exercise will keep the "happy chemicals" more active in your brain.)
2. Exercise combats chronic diseases.
   (Exercise also works as an auto-immune booster, helping you to avoid the "occasional" sicknesses in addition to the longer-duration ones.  I can personally attest to this: in the two years that I have been exercising, I have only been sick once, and it was strep throat.)
3. Exercise helps you manage your weight.
   (Like the article says, this one's a "no-brainer.")
4. Exercise boosts your energy level.
   (The more you exercise, the more efficiently your body burns the calories.  It's like cleaning out your furnace -- it burns longer and hotter with less fuel.)
5. Exercise promotes better sleep.
   (There's a reason we say that somebody will "sleep well" when they've had an active day.)
6. Exercise can put the spark back into your sex life.
   (No, Mom, I don't know about this one from experience.  I'm just quoting their list.)
7. Exercise can be -- gasp -- fun!
   (It's true.  The key to it is finding something that you enjoy doing.  You're not going to keep coming back if you have to drag yourself into it.)

If you're not accustomed to exercising, I encourage you to try it out.  If you're thinking, "I've tried exercising before, and all I do is get uncomfortable," I encourage you to bump it up one notch (either in length or intensity).  You have to push through the "uncomfortable" part to get to the endorphin buzz.  But let me tell you, once you've experienced it, you'll get addicted.  Trust me.